Three Blessings

On this day of giving the thanks.

Recently I have been going through a difficult-and-liberating time. It has been difficult because of Certain Trials, but also weirdly liberating due to my personal growth in response to those trials. But it goes back and forth. Each time I taste the joy of liberation, the savor of having surmounted some inner obstacle or realized the lesson of a painful experience, I am prone to think: “This is it. I’ve reached the summit and can see the promise of the nourishing valley ahead. My healing journey is complete.”

But then the sorrow returns, or the grief, or the pain of the Certain Trials. Stacked precariously as they are on top of other hidden sorrows and pains, once I have unboxed them and thoroughly examined them, gathered their lessons and soothed the wounds of them, they tumble down the mountain to reveal yet more bundles to be blessed and released.

I may be experiencing emotional whiplash, or the fatigue of healing. Or a kind of spiritual bipolarity, as though I am a wire, strung tightly and reverberating between two truths:

• That life is difficult, that pain and sorrow are part of the package deal.

• That freedom lies in accepting this fact, and daring to live to the fullest anyway.

Eventually I expect to achieve stasis. But in the meantime, when the fatigue hits, I practice gratitude.

The other day, I decided to express thankfulness from A to Z. There are 26 letters in the alphabet. I figured that thinking of 26 proofs that I am blessed and have reason to feel happy would be sufficient to break me out of the sorrow I’d been feeling all morning. What’s funny is that it didn’t even occur to me, using this ABC foundation, to try and alphabetize my gratitude. (“A is for the apple cake my family made for my birthday. B is for the beauty of the mountains where I live. C is for cheeseburgers.”) Instead, I began:

”I have many things for which to give thanks.

EXHIBIT A: I live in a beautiful place.

EXHIBIT B: My community is safe and my home is peaceful.

EXHIBIT C: I am loved, and I have the courage to love.

EXHIBIT D: I have two goofy cats who make me laugh every day.

EXHIBIT E: I have felt God’s love and grace, and I experience divine guidance in my life almost daily.

EXHIBIT F: I have predictable enough income to pay my bills on time…”

…and so on. I’ve often been told I should’ve been a lawyer. No one has ever said I would make a good kindergarten teacher.

It worked. I made my case to myself, transmuted the sense of cosmic unfairness I’d been wallowing in that morning. The practice of gratitude gave me the attitude adjustment I needed for the day, kept me in the flow of goodness and my mind off of my own troubles, which are rather insignificant in comparison to those of many other people, but especially against the backdrop of all eternity.

Today is American Thanksgiving. People often say that we ought to carry a spirit of thanksgiving into every day, and not just relegate gratitude to one day a year. And I agree, but I also think it’s rather nice (ignoring for a moment the cultural myth that dresses up a sordid history of colonialism) that we have in our calendar a holiday dedicated to the sharing of harvests and the giving of thanks.

It’s even more important now than ever, in these uncertain and trying times, with the constant reeling out of crises, like a rattling chain wrapped around the globe, to ground ourselves in the goodness that ignites all life.

There is so much to give thanks for. Despite it all. In defiance of it all. In the acceptance and transcendence of it all.

So I’ll close this meandering little missive with three blessings for your Thanksgiving day and any old day you see fit to use them. I give thanks for the constellation of all your little lights. May your bellies and hearts be filled, and may you blaze bright, bringing clarity and goodness into whatever darkness you encounter.

Three Blessings:

Love, we thank you now for love, love that stirs and soothes us, love that gathers us into all joy and delivers us from all brokenness. Love that hears the soundless language, love that imagines and dreams, that can conquer all and willingly surrenders everything. Love that brought us into our lives and love that will carry us home.
— Daphne Rose Kingma

Autumn
and our hearts
are seeking grace.
All around us
nature bids us
change.
Accept and give thanks
for falling
into surrender.
Into trust
that we will be held
and our brokenness
made whole.
— Author Unknown

Enveloped in Your Light, may I be a beacon to those in search of Light.
Sheltered in Your Peace, may I offer shelter to those in need of peace.
Embraced by Your Presence, so may I be present to others.
— Rabbi Rami Shapiro