I think I come from a completely different background of trying to bend over and completely agree with and try to find common ground and accommodate every point of view and it’s only through radical self acceptance that I can now let a little edge out and say things I once would have balked at, push the envelope a little, be glib from time to time and stop being terrified that the worst thing I could be thought of is a bitch and do everything I can to be sensible and loving and compassionate in how I approach people. Like a little dark humor in my writing is kind of a risk taking but luckily most the people I talk to are cool with it and get me. I now just struggle with the balance, when to apply the inner sass, where to apply or and how much.
In my personal case with argumentativeness, I don't think it has anything to do with self-expression in and of itself. I can say what I think and be edgy, which I've always done, without falling into my old habit of dominating conversations to try and win my opponent's surrender.
I can definitely see how bending over backward to find common ground with everyone is a whole other category of fault. It's the fault of submissiveness: "I must conform with others' expectations in order to have love and approval." Totally different from the fault of aggressiveness: "I must be agreed with in order to have love and approval." They both come from the same need, but are differently expressed.
Radical self-honesty implies and requires radical self-acceptance. It means being able to look at yourself and say "This is how I am, all my positive qualities and also my faults. I accept that I am this way, that I am not perfect and that there is room for improvement. I will not shame or guilt myself about my faults, but I must also, in order to keep evolving, make the effort to address them."
I think I come from a completely different background of trying to bend over and completely agree with and try to find common ground and accommodate every point of view and it’s only through radical self acceptance that I can now let a little edge out and say things I once would have balked at, push the envelope a little, be glib from time to time and stop being terrified that the worst thing I could be thought of is a bitch and do everything I can to be sensible and loving and compassionate in how I approach people. Like a little dark humor in my writing is kind of a risk taking but luckily most the people I talk to are cool with it and get me. I now just struggle with the balance, when to apply the inner sass, where to apply or and how much.
In my personal case with argumentativeness, I don't think it has anything to do with self-expression in and of itself. I can say what I think and be edgy, which I've always done, without falling into my old habit of dominating conversations to try and win my opponent's surrender.
I can definitely see how bending over backward to find common ground with everyone is a whole other category of fault. It's the fault of submissiveness: "I must conform with others' expectations in order to have love and approval." Totally different from the fault of aggressiveness: "I must be agreed with in order to have love and approval." They both come from the same need, but are differently expressed.
Radical self-honesty implies and requires radical self-acceptance. It means being able to look at yourself and say "This is how I am, all my positive qualities and also my faults. I accept that I am this way, that I am not perfect and that there is room for improvement. I will not shame or guilt myself about my faults, but I must also, in order to keep evolving, make the effort to address them."
You win. Lol!
'win my opponent's surrender'
gosh, I really don't know if I even like it when that happens... it feels dirty.
Amazing stuff, Starr.